Tuesday, July 5, 2011

Check-in Time

Quote of the day: "Focus on the journey, not the destination; for joy is found not in finishing an activity, but in doing it." - Greg Anderson


Hello again Vanguard, this is my second attempt at a blog, and hopefully I'll do some good. Now, some exciting news, I have officially changed my name to Willow Danielle Frost, and am getting some momentum on the ball I've already set in motion.

Now on to less exciting news. Yesterday was Independance Day. I decided I was ging to tell my mother about my transition and my name change over dinner, because it's an important thing that the woman who gave birth to me should know about. It was a perfect setting, we were all laughing and talking while setting off fireworks, and were generally having a good time. I took my mother to the side and told her I had something really important to talk to her about, and it was very exciting for me. I then proceeded to tell her about everything.

It was the longest, saddest minute of my life while my mother stood there and looked at me like I was the most disgusting thing she'd ever seen. When she finally spoke, she said "Leave here now, you are no son of mine. It'll be a cold day in Hell when my family will ever accept this, or you. Now go." She then escorted me off her property roughly, and plastered a smile on her face when another guest that I didn't know came up. "Sorry, I was just getting rid of an unwelcome visitor." My mother said to the guest.

I left. It was the only thing I could do. My family didn't want me, none of them have called to comfort me or say they didn't agree with my mom. I'm holding out hope, but I have to expect the worst.

In a way though, I'm kind of happy this happened. Because now I can say with complete confidence - even though my family, those who I considered my closest supporters, don't agree with my decisions, and would stop me if they could - I am a woman. I no longer have to act like a man around my family, or speak in masculine tones on the phone, or hurriedly clean off my nail polish before going to brunch. I am completely unfettered.

I picked the quote of the day, not only because it's true, but because it applies to my last two weeks. To my who transition, really. I am very happy with my choice of name now (I'd have to be, or I wouldn't have chosen it.), but the funnest thing wasn't going to the DMV to get my ID changed, it was sitting down with my closest girl friends and choosing the names from the baby books. The pure sense of joy, it was the closest I'm going to be able to get to giving birth to a new life. In a way I did. Shawn Michael Bean has ceased to exist, and in his place, is this new woman: Willow Danielle Frost.

This last couple of weeks has been very emotional for me, but I'm looking forward to the journey ahead. Please, feel free to take your own journeys; be it just outside to get the mail, to the peak of Mount Everest, or to becoming the gender, race, or species you believe yourself to be. Don't let anyone get in the way of your dreams, and enjoy the journey you set yourself on, because like Mr. Anderson said: the joy is not in finishing an activity, but in doing it.


Willow D. Frost

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